# Signs hes dating someone else

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I asked him are with seeing someone new in text, there was no answer- what does that mean?? I told him how destroyed I was feeling and nothing. But eventually we took a break for about a month and when we came back together everything was better and he had changed a lot in many ways. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you.\
&#x20;![signs hes dating someone else](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ad/75/4f/ad754f103cd76743712dcd7a17de12d4.jpg)\\

She has previously mentioned that we should just be friends. I won't be too long. Instead of trying to decipher everything your ex does and says. Thank you for this prime on your situation. Akismet This is used to detect comment spam. I politely responded that she doesn't need to pay me back, and that I still plan on doing the roadtrip to the wedding, and she's more then welcome to come still. We did Facetime two days in a row and also we met each other and after that i read your article so the next day i didn't message her and she did at night I replied her and we did Facetime again, but then I realized i wasn't following your advices so i told her she should think the things about us and wheter if she del me back or not but that she have to do this by herself. He may want to hang out with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that is not the same as being with you. Heb used to invite me to his place for a vodka or to talk but he stopped once he said we are friends. Although not ignoring him when he messages. But when I saw him at a business meeting since then, I could tell he is still attracted on signs hes dating someone else physical level. I don't care I didn't print.

He avoids letting you meet his friends, and especially his family. He would have to babysit his grandchildren or he would have to dog sit for his son. He is really sweet really, we have surprisingly many common interets and hobby.. We emailed and messages each other at fb..\
&#x20;![signs hes dating someone else](http://www.lovedatingdoc.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sings-your-boyfriend-is-controlling.jpg)\\

**What if the guy I like is dating someone else?** - In many cases, a partner who has fallen for someone else will get downright hateful to their official partner. You'll be able to tell if it's rebound if he still doesn't seem happy or tries to talk to you or see you still.\
&#x20;![signs hes dating someone else](https://pics.onsizzle.com/when-your-crush-starts-dating-someone-else-ebitchy-tweets-262717.png)\\

If you want a real relationship, then watch out for these warning signs. When I look back at all the relationships that didn't work out that I so wanted to at the time , I realize that in every case, there were early warning signs that my guy gave me that could have given me some idea of the heartbreak I was going to experience if I had only been aware of what to look for. Fortunately, you still can. Here they are, in no particular order … 1. He doesn't call you when he says he will. If a guy is really interested in starting or continuing with you, you will be on his mind, and. I know there are lots of reasons people can run late that are beyond their control traffic jam, car problems, being stuck at the office , but a quick call from his cell phone will put your mind at ease, and let you know that you have a few more minutes to try on that one other outfit you were still considering. He has rules about how often he can see you. He knows way more about you than you know about him. You know way more about him than he knows about you. Steer clear way clear. He doesn't tell anyone about you. He doesn't invite you to meet his family — ever. Of course inviting you to meet the family is a big deal, as it should be, and it doesn't happen until he feels like this thing is going somewhere. But he had told her about them fairly early on in their relationship, and she did finally meet them. If he still doesn't introduce you? Time to start planning your exit strategy. He doesn't spend the holidays with you. I know there are situations, such as when a divorced man wants to spend time with his children at the family holiday get together, but even then he can make time for you either before or after his family time. Either the guy is secretly harboring feelings for the girl, or vice-versa. And when a guy is in a relationship, he has so much less time to spend with his buddies — why on earth would he ever choose to spend that precious time with another woman? Well, there are a number of reasons he might, and they all involve one deep seated issue or another, and none of them are good. And making sure you know about it? He doesn't talk about his plans for the future with you. But eventually in a relationship a discussion of future plans has got to come up — otherwise or heading towards different continents. He lets you know he had a life without you and he still has a life without you. You feel like if you could just change yourself and not be so needy, this would all work out. This is by far the biggest warning sign of all. Your best bet is to walk away gracefully, with your self-esteem intact, and not look back. If you have access to good counseling, take advantage of it, as many times this is the only way to true healing. And it will be worth it in the long run, to get you past the cycle of toxic relationships so you can move on to the kind of true, sustainable love that you want to attract into your life. And you deserve nothing less than that, no matter where you've been or what you've been through. Perhaps, there might Be one or two that you might want to bed instead, either way men and women cannot be friends unless one is repulsed by the other. There is always one person that would sleep with or be willing to be with the other. Your men have a reason to be insecure ladies, because they know exactly why those dudes are your friends lmfao! In addition any woman trying to be friends with your man is up To No good. Be honest with yourselves, we are only human. Thanks for your kind words, Bobbi. Christmas can be one of the most difficult times of the year to be single, especially when it's seems like everyone else has someone and seems to have some kind of magic in them that you find yourself wondering what is wrong with you. I wrote a post about especially that you may find comforting. Know that you are so not alone, and that having been there myself so many holiday seasons, I can honestly that it is better to be alone during this time than with the someone who may be there physically, but isn't there in that emotionally committed way that is really what we all long for. Hi, I am so glad I came across your article. Didn't realize I was in a relationship like that. Started dating him April 2017. He never include me in the four holidays that pass by. Never introduced me to his friends he went on a picnic, concert, and never included me or on his family birthday. But he said he wanted to marry me. I did bring it up to him but he would never give me a good answer. And he would say he was going to stop by I would never show up. Or call to tell me he's not coming by. And I never spent quality time with him. Thanks for the article I hope it helps a lot of people because it helped me. Hi Jane, I am feeling so miserable right now. I know by reading this post that the red flags were there from the beginning but there were also mixed messages. He introduced me to all of his large family straight away but they tended to be the reason he wasn't available for me. He would have to babysit his grandchildren or he would have to dog sit for his son. He often didn't phone when he said he would and it always seemed to be me that i had to make the plans to see eachother. There were so many mixed messages as when we were together we had great times and for 5 years I overlooked some of the difficulties but then he started not bothering hardly at all and the times we saw eachother got less and less. He started to talk about things which didnt include me like a party or a wedding he had been invited to and when I asked said that I wouldnt like it! I realised then that he had started pursuing some other sort of single life when I wasn't with him and as we lived a distance from each other that was easy for him. Eventually I just exploded and had had enough I told him I deserved more respect than this and that he could have that single life and at the age of 69 he was just a sad old man on a motorbike trying to be young again. That was six months ago now but I am still crying , I feel he rode roughshod over my emotions and never really cared about my feeling at all. Because you couldn't just go along with it anymore, Linda! That's the only reason we ever react like you did! When we've known the truth for so long but never said it because we didn't want to rock the boat, or make waves or have even the crumbs of a relationship cease to be given out anymore. But those mixed messages gave you something to hang onto, too. Let it be, let it go. If there was anything real there for you to hold onto, this wouldn't have been the end. You spoke your truth - and he knew you spoke his truth that he couldn't speak either. He WAS just a sad old man on a motorbike trying to be young again and there is such a sad, sad story for us to bear in recognizing a man like that who can't see his way to be anything more than that, too. I have been kidding myself for a long long time and because we had nice holidays together and went out for meals and had lots of great trips out I carried on. The thing that really confused me was that we had amazing sex right to the end. I didn't get that as with me if I'm not happy in a relationship sex would be the first thing to go. I don't believe all men are like that either, it is such a shallow cold thing to do and makes me look back and not believe that any of that intimacy we shared meant anything to him and often when I think back it kept me coming back for more because it was so good! It is taking a long time to get over as I keep going over and over situations and senarios often coming up with new insight into what was really going on. I know it will go eventually but because this was my first relationship for 20 years since being hurt and then being ill for years it has shattered my confidence and as you can imagine has put me back into my shell. I have started comfort eating again which I haven't for years and I hate myself for it! Some men think that 'they are the GOD GIFTED for the women'' and I understand if they are, 1-DROP DEAD GORGEOUS + NICE PERSONALITY 2-İNTELLEGENT 3-WELL EDUCATED 4-RICH AND ARISTOCRAT 5-SOPHISTICATED If they have these qualıties, FINE, I can understan that they are the GOD GIFTED for the women;- and I would say 'HE HAS A RIGHT TO THİNK THAT, HE IS THE GIFT TO ME'' BUT IF HE DOESN'T HAVE THESE FIVE QUALITIES, THEN HE HAS TO KNOW HIS PLACE.. Jane, Thank you so much for your articles. These are the numbers that I link myself and my relationship to above: 2, 5, 10, 11, 12, 14. So I know I really have to move on with my life and this has been going on for quite a long time with my son's father! I really love him but I won't sit back and let him hurt me anymore. I am going to do me from now on and I mean it. Thank you so much, you're a darling Jane! It's so hard when you love someone like this, Denise, and yet the reality is that they don't feel the same way that you do. And when you so want them to. You deserve so much more than this! Take it in baby steps. Today is a new day, and tomorrow will be too. It's never too late to start anew, again and again and again; you deserve everything wonderful that love and life have to offer, Denise. And you don't ever deserve to be hurt like this; love is about being loved, not being hurt. You can do this. One very tiny baby step at a time. You deserve nothing less than a love that loves you back every bit as much as the love that you give. You have so much to offer, so much to give, and there will be someone else who will see exactly this. Look in the mirror at your beautiful self reflected back at you. Isn't she worth more than this? Ask yourself why, why are you settling for so few crumbs. In a hotel, no less. With him still seeing other women. Hold your head up high, Beautiful. There's no love there, there can't be when he's choosing another regardless of what excuses he gives you. Only you can set yourself free, but oh how you can! Jane, i've been through a lot of relationships before but it didn't work out well.. Your confidence and self-esteem are still there, Angel! It's a journey to know yourself, to find out who you really are - especially when you've gotten so used to being what everyone else has wanted you to be and you've gotten so used to living for everyone else except yourself. Know that this neediness, the strong emotions, the fears - these are all what we take on when we live in the place of what we believe someone else expects of us rather than living in the light of who we truly are! Of course we feel needy when we've been with ones who have left us; of course we feel fearful when we've been with ones who've left us after we opened our hearts to them and fell in love with the idea of them and - even if we were the only ones who could see it. It all makes sense, so many of the issues we think we have if we see them as a result of what we've surrounded ourselves with. But you are not your past, Angel. You are not these things! You don't have to be needy if you can see the reality that you never have a need for someone who isn't right for you, who isn't on your page, no matter how great he seems. You don't have to be fearful if you can see the reality that - including men, including love - if you're not restricted to the cultural and media's view of love and what it takes to be worthy of love. If you don't know how to start a relationship or how to be in one, then wait until one comes along that naturally happens and you will know that you're with someone different. It doesn't happen overnight, but the best way to start is by , learning to , to accept yourself for all that you are, and by to someone who isn't deserving of you! Start each day by writing out a list of of everything that you are, everything that you have to offer and every right you have simply by being you, and then pick something to do everyday that makes you feel special, that increases your confidence in your gifts, your talents, your hobbies, your passions and reminds you that there is so much more to life than living settling for anyone else's terms! You can do this, Angel. One small step at a time. Jane, I just broke up with someone who I really was crazy about, but he just was hitting many of the areas on your list. The ones that really resonated were him still having his life and having no idea where he was and what he was doing. He was always pretty vague and with his feelings too. I have been sad but also working on me because I realize that I do not want to settle for less than feeling love, nor do I want to devalue myself. You really get to the heart of the matter and say some true and healing words to women on the mend. We miss someone but we eventually discover we really didn't know them as well as we thought we did and they didn't really know us in the way that matters. We usually miss the idea of them more than the reality of them. The we create in our minds of what could be, if only they were everything we think they could be. Thanks for your kind words, Kathleen; I had to learn so much of this the hard way so your words take me back to a different time in my life as well. We sms every night. And he had rules about how often we will meet, only once in a week! I am angry about this, but how can a girl tell a guy that i want to see you, the guy should take initiation. He always say he is busy and he spent most of his time and efforts in the company. And he will tell some bad jokes about love which made me very sick. But when we r together, he is very gentleman, and he is doing charity. In a word, he hit most of the 14 warnings in half time, and meanwhile doing sth opposite to these warnings in another half time. Making me headache yaaaaaaa! I so hear where you're coming from Wen, that sound that we utter when we get so tired of trying to figure him out, to change something about him to make it all that it could be. Tell him by your actions, Wen; alone. It's all about deciding for yourself what you can and can't live with, whether these inconsistencies in his behavior are dealbreakers or not. Only you know what he means to you, what being with him is worth to you. He's clearly defined his own terms of the relationship, now it's up to you to and set the standard for how you are willing to be treated! Remember that you , my beautiful friend, even if it doesn't feel that way; you are! I found your website while looking for ways to comfort and guide my 16 year old daughter through her first heartbreak - have you considered a book for teens on dating. I have tried to give her some advice but I am worried that I am mixing my emotions into the equation - I know logically that my heartbreak at her age is not the same as hers but why do I feel such strong emotions about what she is going through Her feelings - and what she's going through - are probably triggering some old long-forgotten familiar feelings in you, Renee. It makes sense, since we store so many memories in our minds even if we don't recall them all until something triggers us that brings it all back. Try to listen, to really validate her feelings, to be there for her by your presence, more than anything you might try to say to her. What she needs more than anything else is to be heard - to feel heard - and to know that someone is there for her. More than anything you can say to her, it's this that will help her the most. Know that you can't fix it, you can't make it all better no matter how much you want to. You can also direct her to my posts about and when she's ready to hear something that might help her know she's not alone in what she's going through, and there is another way of looking at this. As for these emotions that are coming up for you, I have found journalling -writing out my feelings - to be one of the most therapeutic exercises in healing. If you haven't already, start a journal, and write out everything that's coming up for you. Remember that this is her experience, and as you've wisely realized, it can be all too easy to bring our own emotions and feelings into the picture, so remind yourself that this is her time, and yours can be on paper or through a conversation with a supportive friend at another time. Writing a book for teen girls - a life stage that is very near and dear to my own heart - is a project I have my eye on down the road, so it's interesting you mention this. It's beautiful that she has you, Renee, and that you want to help her like this. I don't quite think my boyfriend meets anything on this list but man am I ever confused! Every so often in my relationship I fear that maybe we want different lives and that it would be best to seperate... I don't want to give up what we have, we've already shared so much. So how the heck am I supposed to know If we CAN work it out or if it's just not meant to be. It's entirely possible that I overthink EVERYTHING. Thanks for your time! Keep living your own life and focusing on you, Laura. When we shift the focus to ourselves and creating our own full lives, filling our own cups full of the things and people that bring us happiness, what someone else does or doesn't do becomes less important as our lives on the whole and how we live them. Time will always reveal if you're both on the same page and want the same thing in your relationship. If two people are meant to be together, they will be together but only if they both want the same thing with each each and are both willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Trust yourself, over time, as you're being yourself and living your own life, everything will become more clear. It's only not meant to be if someone doesn't want it to be. It's always a choice - for both of you. I've been dating a guy for past 3yrs, had been doing everything possible to keep both of us happy But from last 4-5 months its not been the same whenever we had a fight its mostly me who has to call back n make up he never calls.. It sounds like you're forgetting that you're always the one doing the choosing, not him. If you have to try to be something you're not, if you're chasing him and he's still feeling like you don't give him enough, this sounds very one-sided from here. But when you're with someone who's on the same page as you, who wants the same thing you do with you and is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, they don't just make time for you, they actually want to be with you and spend time with you and talk to you and make plans with you and be with you. Only you know how much of this is cultural, but regardless of what is going on with him, you deserve to be loved for who you are by someone who is truly compatible with you. You're clearly finding out what his terms are by his behavior and actions with you, my question for you is do you know what your own terms are? Back then in 2014, I had no idea where I was heading. But, today I'm not the same. I had the courage to walk away I gave importance to my self respect that was lost in midst of holding on to him. So I let him go. And now he is married has an year old daughter. His marriage is on rocks. I have no clue about reasons though. And after that I have quote messed up. To get over Jim I got attracted to a family friend that time after break up was critical l, and this guy came as a pacifier and to cut the story short he was a Casanova, a male chauvinist. I lost my soul to him. He ruined it beyond repair, he never loved only used. It went on till 7 nov 2016. And now I have a virtual friend to get over him... So basically i myself have no idea what let be is. I'm chasing my need. I haven't understood my want and love yet. I'm very confused he keeps saying leave me and go disconnect the call don't talk to me etc when we fight but I still keep calling and he answers my call at the fourth time and says what now why u troubling and when I ask him is okay okay if I break up with u he says your wish and he never says go ahead and break up after continuously fightingiI suddenly tell him I Love you to this he says why are you telling this now you wanted to break up na And then he says I love you more than a hundred times and I reply too Why I get confused is when he happy he is a complete different person and when he is angry I feel he is a complete different man When there is no one at his place and he plan a date at his place he make lunch and also feeds me and I feed him tooiI specially make lunch for him n give him on 26 may 2014 I had a fight with him coz he had lot of porn in his phone for which he said I don't even watch it those are just what's app videos my friends sent but I still don't believe he called me 15 times after that I didn't answer his calls because his he told break up and let me free so for a change I disconnected the phone and I be not been talking to his since then So he mged say even u talk non sense I didn't mean it Along with a stupid video where a call keeps changing her boyfriends every time she finds a richer person See this vedio I got very furious n mged him if I was also of such character I would have been happily married long back to a rich dog... And after this mg I think he is too upset he didn't call back nor did I Its been 2days now I'm missing him I guess he is missing to.. I'm not sure if I should call him this time... And I feel he loves me more than me... Every time we are together be it with his family or just us he always gazes at me... With a smile I love him... I'm personally facing problem with this one guy I'm with at the moment.. I gave him the sun and the moon I loved him regardless.. I could just ignore his flaws and his selfish attitude.. We are in a LDR currently and it's been 1 year and 2 months to be exact. I've been always trying to tolerate him and I don't keep secrets with him as well. I tell him what's going on in my life and I always try to spend time with him when I get to. But he doesn't even put a slight single effort in the whole relationship. I get tired sometimes and as I get fed up I tends to get a bit emotional but I'm pretty good at restraining them as he doesn't like when I'm emotional, so I'm always restraining myself. Yesterday we had a chat and I requested to Skype him and watch some movies with him. But he gave me the same answer he gave me last year.. I was so hurt I felt like all the effort and understanding I gave him last year was effortless. I got hurt and I just told him to think about things and answer me if we should even be together anymore. I love him a lot and I really did do everything just to make him happy.. I spent money on him as well when he told me he always wanted certain stuff I always bear them in my and save up to buy him one. But yeah last night he told me he don't get why I'm so crazy in love with him.. It helps me a lot. He was trying to a pproached me since 2012 and he was very sweet. To be honest I didn't realise that he had interest in me. Until few months ago, everything became clear and I started to fell in love with him. But without any reason, these last 1month suddenly he just pulles himself and left all the puzzle behind. I was really confused and hurt. But after analysing our relationship, there were certain vagueness that I just notice. I feel a bit better.... Hello I'm Joan, I am responding, because I you used the word vagueness. That is the word that I have been using to my manfiend for some time.. Hi Jane, Number 1 and 2, and other similar issues apply to my relationship and I've always been troubled by them. I'm torn between feeling that I'm most important to him through some of his actions and debating whether I'm truly his priority through his other actions. I know that he spends most of his free time with me but I feel hurt in times when he would prefer to have time to himself. I often do wonder if I have insecurity issues as I like to know where he is at all times. I do not ask but expect him to let me know if he is going to be somewhere other than work or home, but sometimes he does not do this and it makes me feel insecure as if I dont know anything about him, even though in my heart I know that he is commited to me. I feel like these things are only in my head one moment, but the next I am afraid that my insecurities are substantiated. I can tell a good relationship from a bad one but is so much more difficult to judge when I am currently involved in the relationship! You're not alone, Ree; it is always more difficult to see things clearly when we are so emotionally invested in a relationship! When we - often without even realizing we're even doing this - our insecurities can run rampant. When we take a step back and remember, what we have to offer, when we remember that , we shift the power back to ourselves - so we can let him be him just as we remain true to ourselves. It's when we have that mindset that we're able to watch and observe without needing to control or make something happen so that what someone else does or doesn't do doesn't make or break us. Trust that if the two of you are on the same page and want the same thing with each other and are both willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, it will! That's the only kind of relationship you want - and deserve. DEAR JANE I APPRECIATE MOST YOUR ARTICLES AND I JUST WANTED TO HEAR YOUR ADVICE ON WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I was only with this guy for 2 months that I met off a dating website. I knew he was in the process of having twins in the beginning. We got along perfectly and we had good times together. What had happened was I got upset because he never told the baby mother about me even though it was 2 months and I'm not sure if I was soon or not but i felt like she should know since he was spending so much time with me. Wednesday I went through his phone and I found that they were having a conversation and she was telling him that she loved him and when is he going to come see the kids. So he had told me she had no way of talking to on the cell phone when it went through his phone I found the he was talking to her via text. Long story short I'm still here thinking about him he hasn't called me in almost 4 weeks and Here I am still thinking about him wondering why he hasn't tried to chase me or get me back. Every guy that I have been with and that has done me wrong is trying to get me back in some type of way in a way it gives me some sort of power if you wiEvery guy that I have been with and that has done me wrong is trying to get me back in some type of way in a way it gives me some sort of power if you will. I feel guilty for some reason I feel guilty because I feel like I missed out on something good. I just wanna know why he hasn't tried to get me back because he was in the wrong. I'm sure the answer you're going to give me is that he's moved on and that's why he hasn't tried calling me. And the best advice of all? Don't ever become involved with someone who still belongs to someone else, who's in the process of becoming a father to someone else's children, or confused about whether he wants to be with the mother of his child or children. There's never anything good that can come out of this type of situation except a lot of pain and heartbreak for everyone involved, and especially the innocent children. You have your whole life ahead of you! Take your time to truly get to know someone and see - not the other way around. We all have regrets, Anna, we all have things we want to , but it's never too late to start fresh, to begin anew to live in a way that you can live with yourself and let go of the guilt, the blame and the shame that so often keeps us doing the same things over and over again. Today is always a new day! Hi Jane I was hoping for a little insight into some hard choices ahead of me. First of all I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, I have never seen a guy treat a girl as well as he treats me and in 3 years we have not had a single fight. It has always been so very easy for us to be together. BUT after 3 years he is showing zero signs of wanting to make a life together, or movie our relationship to the next level. I see him 3 days a week exactly always the same 3 days, and I have never been invited over to his apartment I am a single mom and it is more convenient for him to visit me then me him as he lives on the other side of town and neither of us has a car... He has always been up front with me in that he likes to take his time and when we started dating this suited me fine as my last relationship ended badly and I too wanted to go slow. I have though made it clear to him that ultimately I do want to get married that it's something important to me. I do not expect for it to happen tomorrow or anything like that but it would be nice if he seemed interested in even having that conversation I have brought it up once or twice over the past 3 years to make sure he understood how I felt and to see if I could get some idea where he was in regards to a real commitment So although I have had a hard time swallowing that he still has no interest or motivation to be more then just a casual boyfriend I was willing to give him all the time he needed. Recently however he was invited to a wedding and I know I was included in this invitation... He is now at the wedding it's in another city and I am hurt and angry and not sure what to make of this. I have met both his mother and father and his sibling only a handful of times but he does not see them all that much either in the past and this would have been one of the very few chances I would get the chance to meet his extended family and get to know his father better he lives very far away I was trying very hard to not let it bother me so as not to be a clingy girlfriend but have conceded that just because I don't think it should be upsetting, does not change the fact that it is upsetting. Thanks Christina Hi Jane,I have been dating a guy for 2months. I was so scared of leaving him cos I love him verymuch but I cudnt get d love and friendship I needed from him. I couldn't bear it anymore so I called it quit today,but OK still feel hurt cos I still love him and I Don't know how to get over him. Ask yourself what exactly it is you love about this guy, Kim, who only calls you when he wants sex and has you stay in the bedroom when his friends come around. How are you ok with this? Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Of course you couldn't bear it anymore! Focus on you, on why you put up with this kind of treatment of you for so long and who he represents to you. You deserve so much more than this, and in time, you will have to a place where you can so clearly see this, too. I caught him a couple of times and i smiled and he smiled back and others he turned his head. Hi Jane, glad that I come here.. I think I have problem similar with number 5. We have known each other online for 1. I really value honesty and he is aware of that. So I am a really open girl.. I tell him many information.. He seems really interesting of me, and even said have been praying for me since we first met online.. The problem is he really cant open up.. Until know we are communicating by emails, he only give details about his first name, his job but not the office name , and a pic which given just last week 1 month 1 week after we met, which I have asked before but I was rejected said he isnt comfortable yet. He never give me phone number until now, but I have given my number long way before. He give me nickname Sweet and always picture a future with me, give me song like Mirrors and Because of you, saying he wont let go of me. He seems mature, but his actions kind of confusing me. He once told me in the beginning that he cant trust someone easily.. I am now ask him to stop contacting me for several days, as I need to contemplate, he give me space, but he doesnt know this is all about him. I am confused how can you say to someone that you really love him but dont want to open up? He said he will definitely tell story about him or his family, but until now I now nothing. Btw, next week I will have bday and he know that. Should I wait to know what he will probably do? Or should I just turn atound and run right now? He is really sweet really, we have surprisingly many common interets and hobby.. I really like him, but to be hanged like this, where he may feel comfortable while Im not is just a little too much. So you're finding out what he's like, Dakun, and what he's comfortable with and what he's not. Does this work for you? That's the question to ask yourself. It's never about the details we think it is; it's about the bigger picture of whether or not you can live with him like this right now, assuming he's not going to drastically change his comfort level here. Two people on the same page about the things that matter is what a healthy relationship requires. Don't wait around to see what he does or doesn't do; live your life without worrying about him or what he's going to do. Celebrate your own birthday with someone who wants to make plans with you and doesn't leave you wondering whether they're going to remember that it's even your birthday. When we set ourselves up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations that someone doesn't even know they're supposed to live up to, you only hurt yourself. Because you're the only one who knows what you can live with, what you need to be happy, and what your dealbreakers are. Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place and become clear for you, not what anyone else thinks you should be, because they're not you. I wrote you previously on here and I have another question and need some of your advice I hope this may reach you. I recently saw my ex, although I told myself I did not want to be with him again and it helped the loneliness. I refused to be intimate with him but he stayed the night. He held me though out the night and kissed me on my neck and when I reached over to kissed him close to his mouth. He rejected me with a comment and said dont kiss me on my mouth when you have been with others guys and did this and that with them. He has no proof that I have been with other guys. It hurt me when he said this and it didnt add up, I became hurt and angry and told him to leave and I dont want to see him ever again. He went to his car and came back up asking to talk to me and hold me. I didnt want to hear it , he said thats how he feels. How can you say i am your baby and hold me and caress me but a kiss on the mouth is too much? Yet when were together before a lot of things happened that went way beyond the sentence he made. So my question is what do you think is really going on with this persons mind? It hurts me so much because I enjoyed him holding me and for a minute I thought his feelings were real. Hope to hear back from you, Anna You can put all your time and energy into wondering what's going on with him and why he does what he's doing, or you can ask yourself how this feels to you. Is this what you want? Is this what you're looking for? Only you know what you can live with and what you can't, Anna. I know I say this so much but it really is true. No one else can know what he's worth to you, what overlooking what you want is worth to you in exchange for what he gives you. When you decide that for yourself, when you can answer those questions that tell you so much, you'll know so much more clearly whether you want to play this game with him or not, or whether it's time to get off this roller coaster. Trust yourself; you always know. A lot can happen in 7 years and with your history, you certainly have every right to know who he is now and why he's arrived at your door. Regardless of what he says, take it slow and let his actions say more than his words. Don't get so caught up in the fantasy of him coming back after all this time that you forget to let him show you that he's on the same page as you! Hello Jane, I have a question and I've been really struggling with this situation and I'm looking for some advice. I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend and I same age have been dating for 10 months now. He is my other half, but recently we had just spent 4 straight days together including me sleeping over etc. Anyways, yesterday night he went out with his buddies which is obviously fine, but his plans for tonight are what's bothering me. He is hanging out with a group of friends most of them female, in fact I don't even think there's going to be any males and yes he is very trustworthy so I do trust him, it's those other girls that I don't trust. The reason I found out about his plans with them for tonight though was because two days ago while driving me home, I had told him I would call him on said night to discuss new years plans, and then he told me about how he's going out on said night to drink with his friends all those girls who are his very close high school theatre friends. He added in quickly that I could come if I wanted, but he never brought it up again, and it wasn't discussed further so I don't feel welcome. What really frustrates me is that I KNOW that he would feel a little discomforted by me going out with a group of my guy theatre best friends but in the past I've made sure to tell him that it's all platonic and he's actually met them a couple of times, because I brought him along to those events, but what really bothers me is that I've only ever met two of the girls ONCE and it was just a quick introduction. His ex cheated on him horribly, and he always says that he would never do anything to hurt me, but what also worries me is the fact that the only reason I was able to find out about him going out with these girls is because I said I would call him to discuss new years plans that night. This entire post sounds so incredibly clingy, and I'm owning up to that but I'm just generally uncomfortable with him going out with a group of girls alone. I've been out with him and his high school guy friends before and some of the girls showed up I don't think they were the theatre girls but one of them was flirting with him right in front of me. If anything that should make me feel better, but it doesn't because I just don't understand why he doesn't want me there. Thanks so much for your help. Hi Jane Can I ask a question I broke up with ex partner 16 months ago by him cheating well I met someone else and I think I'm completely in love with him. Only problem is its really complicated we was seeing each other for about 3 months he don't live where I am but he was working here anyway it was great for the 1st 3 months then he stop working down here and he only ring and text me when he was at work in day time when it used to be every night on weekday he has an ex partner that he live with they have children together but he saying there not together no more he only there to support her got she got dispersion and wouldn't cope with the kids. We didn't speak for like 6 months and he rings me again coz he down here I just dunno what to do as I'm madly in love with him after everything with my ex I trusted him and everything but now I dunno what to do he don't know that I love him I'm scared of telling me as it's not ment to be relationship just a bit of fun but now he telling me that he really misses me I dunno what to do I don't want get hurt again. Thanks x Hello Jane!! I enjoyed reading your article and it really helped us a lot specially girls who are going through a tough times in a realtionship... I meet a guy bon a dating site back 2012 of course at first I didnt mind him coz i am in a relationship that time.. I still ignored him.. Until me and my man broke up.. We emailed and messages each other at fb.. We did naughty things coz he likes it.. I liked being naughty with him too.. I deleted him in all my acct. Recently, after 1 year.. He just popped up, he add me on fb.. I dont know but i also missed him.. I knoe there is a strong connection for both of us, but for one mos. We had a fight, misunderstood but we still find a way to settle it before the day end.. He is naughty, playful and teaseful... We like to keep each other updated.. I saw him online i expect that he will messaged me but surprisingly he deactivated his fb as well.. What should i do? Should i wait until he open his fb again? Or should i moved on? Btw I also found out that he has another fb.. But it didnt updated. We told each other how scared we are to lose each other.. I am confused now Glad you enjoyed this one, Mehmeh. I'm always here to help! This is more of who he is, how he handles different situations, the way he chooses to communicate, and what he's comfortable with as far as contact goes - and what he's not. Now it's your turn to ask yourself what you think. Does this work for you? Can you live with his terms? Is this what you want? Whatever's happening with him, is always about him, Mehmeh. He's going to do what works for him, what's comfortable for him. Do what gives you the greatest sense of calm and leaves you with the least amount of regrets. It's in the space you give him that you find out what page he's on by what he does with it - does he move closer to fill in that space? Or does he allow that space to stay and grow even bigger? Let his actions tell you more about who he really is - and then you decide if what that is works for you. You're the one doing the choosing and when you choose you, everything else will fall into place. I just stumbled upon your article and it's making me think through my life. I've been struggling the past few days with not knowing what to do, and I'd like to share my story. My boyfriend and I have been together for around a year and a half, and when we met he was so interested in me we went on dates for a few months before finally seeing each other exclusively. In the beginning stages he used to promise me things all the time, like dates and flowers, and trips he used to live in a different city, which I've always wanted to visit and he promised to take me the next time he went. To paint a better picture, I myself have very hectic schedule I commute between two states and am constantly busy, he knew this and has always worked with my schedule, with a few complaints here and there. We started bickering very early and over things that were silly, we're both head strong and don't back down, it also did not help with him being not trusting of me, for the longest time he thought I was cheating on him! Granted we had great times too, we went on many trips, had many laughs, Ive met his friends, he's met mine, we know each other's families, but I've always felt he was distant. The first time I was really hurt was when we took a trip to a city I didn't particularly know very well he did we ended up having a few drinks and an argument started which ended with him leaving me In the street having to find my way back to the hotel, I never forgot that. Arguing with him always feels like an unfair fight, he's stubborn and does not believe anything is ever his fault it's always me, he makes that clear that if this relationship was to end its because of me. Anyways, fast forward to the end of this past year we had plans for New Years I was working late and we were going to stay in he confirmed the plans with me, than two hours later called asking if we could go to a friends party in a town 35 minutes away, I told him I didn't want to go, he got pissy and went by himself,I never got a New Years phone call... Granted I have my own insecurities and I'm working with myself, and I can't blame him for everything I've caused fights as well, and I can't say he's not a nice person, he is and he does care, but when he's upset it's like he can only focus on him and his feelings. I try my hardest to keep him happy, I surprise him with presents, big and small just to make him smile, just to make his day, and I enjoy doing it! Now the last event that shook me up happened a couple of nights ago he was coming over for dinner I spent the whole day preparing and when it came to the last hour before he showed up I realized I forgot to purchase a product, so I called him asking to stop by the store on his way over, he told me why would he want to do that? Getting aggravated I went to the store myself, he called me saying he will be over soon and granted you could tell I was annoyed over the phone, when he showed up the first thing he said to me was you're being an expletive removed by giving him an attitude, I got more mad and told him if he wants he can leave he yelled expletive removed to me and left, I called ten minutes later saying is this how the night will end be asked for an oppology, I swallowed the whole situation just wanting a nice evening. At this point I don't know what to do, I really love this guy, I've always been there and it just hurts really bad. I don't know what to do with myself. This sounds bad, Rita. A man who verbally abuses you and thinks it's a sacrifice to give up other women is telling you all you need to know. He has gotten used to treating you poorly. Where are your boundaries? You're choosing to stay with a man who leaves you on the street, who changes plans at his leisure even if you disagree and who clearly has no regard for your needs. I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but it has just enfuriated me to read your post. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. I wish you strength and clarity to course correct and choose to love yourself more than anyone else. I wish he'd just tell me no already!! Thing is he fits a lot of these - the ones pertaining to punctuality and messaging. He left me all day without word once when he promised to visit me after I had experienced a sudden tragedy... But I still have feelings for Hun and we get on so incredibly well when we see each other! I'm so confused ;-; oh I hear you, Sarah - nothing quite like the land of limbo. If he's your friend, don't be afraid to tell him what you just told me. That you miss him and you just wish he'd tell you no already. My guess is you're feeling confused because you're feeling his confusion. Do what you need to say or do for you. It's not up to him; you're the one who's got the feelings and just put yourself out there. Do what you need to do for you. If he's truly your best friend, you'll get through this, too. I've been dating this guy almost a month and I feel like things are weird I can't read him we go out with a good time but we've hardly had much physical contact. He recently moved back into it excise house due to the terrible injury and I presently have my parents visiting for the season in Florida so we don't have much privacy. The other day we had plans he was in a lot of pain today took a muscle relaxer but didn't contact me until the next day by saying sorry good morning. I told him I had a nice time on our date the other night even though we had some weird things happen he said cool. Can we call me later sometimehe does call me Most times when he says he willsometime but there are two or three other times nothing, I don't know what to make of it Hi Jane, I'm really glad I found your site. I find a lot of it really credible. I have a problem now, and I need a second opinion. It's a bit long, so please bare with me. I've been friends with this guy for 7 years. Since we were 15 in High school. I loved him for 4 years in high school, at the time he didn't feel the same. When he found out I was engaged, he confessed to me his feelings and then after when I got out of that relationship, which turned out to be an abusive one, He pursued me. He came to see me when I told him what happened, and he was a good friend, and was there for me. And then I remembered how much I still cared and I decided to give it a shot-- I still liked him a lot. He's cute and he did cute things that made me smile. He even made the first move to ask me to be his girlfriend, he invited me over to Christmas with his family. We eventually slept together, and started to see each other once a week, since I'm working and in college. He's my first boyfriend. I'm his first girlfriend. We've been official a little more than two months and enjoy the time we spend together. I told him I wanted something serious, I told him I don't want to be with someone who will never be serious with me. What does all that mean? He says he loves me, He knows I do, even if I don't say it often. I know he cares, but I'm still unsure. He doesn't call, text, nothing. I have been the one initiating contact, but I recently stopped. I refuse to chase him down, and initiate. I am a queen. Come get it before it's gone. How do I make him see that? I'm afraid that he just wants me until he finds something better or he just thinks he can't find anybody else. Like a second thought. It's been 4 days, neither of us talked. I'm thinking that if he waits longer than 2 weeks to contact me, I'm not going to let him have it easy, and if it gets to a month, I'm leaving. I want a real relationship. Am I asking too much too soon? Because I feel like he's just there. And I care about him, but if I don't get what I want from this, I don't want to stay. Am I doing something wrong? What do you suggest that I should do? I am in relationship and getting completely mixed signals. If I back off she comes running if she backs off I panic she's lost interest. First person I have been attracted to though and don't want to lose the soulmate link we have. Never had that with anyone else lol. She is surrounded by other gay women but reassured me nothing going on with any of them. I have to believe that but when she blows cold I fear that there is someone else. This man just broke up with me about a week ago. I am very depressed. I am just wondering and wondering what I did wrong to make him pull away. We have been dating for six months. Now I compared his behavior to this list. I guest he is not into me. No 7: I don't know if he ever told anyone about me since he never introduced me to anyone; No. Sadly I am still missing him very much. I know I need to move on. I just don't know how. Hi Jane, I came across your site today as I was pondering about my current situation. And I love your 'no fuss' approach to every topic. I have had a crush on this man for almost 1 year. Since we only met professionally but we do not work together or anything , and because I'm extremely shy, I never approached him to ask him out. Well nearly 1 year later, when he gave me his cell phone number, my heart was racing. But he gave me his number for a 'reason' it was to contact him to get someone else's contact information. Few days later, I sent him a text, and he asked for a personal meeting. Obviously I didn't want to turn this opportunity down. From the stares and the way he was always attentive, I had some inclination that he was interested. The day before the meeting he asked if we could meet for dinner... I said 'ok' to that as well. We finally met this past Monday. I kept no high expectations. I even dressed like it was a 'meeting' cool and casual. He showed up, and most of the 2 hours were all about personal questions. We talked about our families, careers, future plans, and of course..... He even paid the dinner bill I insisted I should pay but he wouldn't let me. Next day I also told him I would like to see more of him, and he too said he wanted to see more of me as well. Our second date is next week.... Here is my dilemma. This is a very very very busy man. Since I don't go out on a lot of dates, I have no clue how to play games. But I have been through a very toxic relationship, and want to make sure I'm not anyone's doormat ever again. I want to be very clear that he has a genuine interest and not just tagging me along. And I say this for some things he mentioned on our first date: - He said he lives alone and has been since he was 7 years old. But when is it ok to ask a man what his intentions are? Thank you for your help Thank you, Kay. So glad you found your way here. Instead, take your time. Slow things down to a pace where you can really get to know this person, no matter how busy he may be. Watch, listen, observe, with eyes that are willing to see everything. You're the one doing the choosing here; let him show you that! Because when you take your time to really get to know him like this before getting your heart emotionally involved with him in a place where you can't think straight anymore, you will save yourself from so much heartbreak if he isn't what he seems to be. I thought I knew my husband but I missed all the hints. Marriage now is a whole lot different that the 60's. My dreams were kids and a big family, husbands dreams well I don't think he really had any. Together for 47 years and he decided that we could live our own lives, I had to ask what he meant by that! I was shocked by his answer, he was going to live his own life like I wasn't included at all. He told me I could leave or stay here rent free, he didn't care. He moved to our basement and lived down there for years then he built a fancy garage and currently lives in it. I have the whole house to myself. We were never intimate, haven't spoke to each other in decades and just ignored each other. I made the big mistake of not moving on, I'm sure I would have found some one else to have a family and kids with. Its to late now he's 70 and I'm 68 and to tired to go any place. I have a warm house and good benefits that pay for my shrink and pills that I need. We both wasted our lives and thats horrible. Hi Jane, I am totally new here and enjoying reading your posts. I liked write to you but my English is not very good! Most of the signs listed here are valid in my relationship, actually i am in relationship i know it is not right for me but i can not help myself get out of it. I met my boyfriend when i was 21 we were together for 5 years and one day he disappeared! Just 1 month before my master dissertation defense session. I survived, i was really happy when i opened my eyes every morning. I have worked on my plans to study abroad i live in Iran , but few months ago he text me. Same story we get back together, Now, i am not happy. He told me he is not going to marry me... During these months i broke up with him about 5 times, but every time i get back. I feel really overwhelmed. I am strong social person, people around me admire me but i am really weak at this point. Seems like an addiction or like to suffer myself. How can i help myself? I understand you perfectly. Then compare the two. Can he give you that? If he can't, you've got your answer. Look at your programming about love, about what love looks like, feels like and is like. This is a time to set aside your beautiful emotional side for just a moment and look at what's real. Don't let your own fantasy keep you from seeing that reality. You're not weak; you simply need to become clear about exactly what it is you're looking for and then what he is or isn't within that context will tell you everything you need to know to give you your answer. This is how we find that strength within us. Find your beautiful self with so much to give, so much to offer, so much to be! I just scanned through all the different titles of yours and this one stuck out the most. You have been a strong support for me for close to one year. I came to understand we were not on the same page. I'm over him - thanks to you. He is a good person, but I realize after time, I was looking for more. Now, that I'm trying to get myself out there again, I read this column of yours. It is like a guide for me. My heart is VERY GUARDED since the last gentleman. I know he must have gone on with his life, and I must get on with mine. I just find I must not be approachable. I have gone out and do the things I love - not looking just doing what I like. Friends, family and strangers will tell me what a great catch I would be I have so much going for me why don't I have a partner. I just look at them and just don't know. I'm told I'm extremely attractive, in shape, wonderful personality, kind and generous. Yet, my two brothers had this to say to me. Men are probably afraid to approach you because you are beatiful and nice. Guys don't approach me.... I don't know if I am beatiful or not, it's not important. I'm on the timid side at times. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is MUCH MORE TO ME. I was a single mom, worked hard, take care of myself. Maybe I need to go on a reality show - or Steve Harvey to find the right person. I would be too shy and timid to do that though. Thank you Jane for listening. Maybe it's just not meant to be to find that special person. I just wish he would find me......................... I'm forever grateful for your kind words and encouragement. Thank you for answering. I'm sure there are many who feel the same. Your words stay with me and help me through. Funny, I went out with a friend yesterday. We had a nice time. We met a few men, who I thought were fun and solid. One gave me lots of attention, and his friend said to me, he likes you. So, thinking oh, he seems to be very nice and I was attracted to him. We laughed and joked. Well, my friend happened to speak to his friend. She then turned to me and said, he's married. My heart truly sunk, because for hours I was under the impression he was single. So, I ran out of there very fast with my friend - it's one area I never enter - married men. I need to take a walk. Great article, and so true. I live 6 hours drive from my boyfriend of 5 years am on a postgrad course , I'm 36 he's 43. Our mutual work friend is getting married in two days, and BF omitted to say he was going. NB: 2 months ago BF told me he would not be attending I will know more people attending than he will, I just can't figure why he thought it was ok NOT to even mention this? I lost contact with the friend the groom , so didn't receive an invite. BF is not exactly close to him either but was invited, I'm annoyed that he chose not to mention he will go I'm returning to school the morning of the wedding but not at his actual attendance. I'm not sure how to address this? I'm so glad you found your way here! A guy who's on the same page as you - and interested in you - will always make effort than it takes to simply respond to you. That's how you know, Queen. If you want to know for sure, stop initiating on your end and see what happens. Anyone can be flattered enough to respond; someone who's truly interested in you will make sure there's no doubt concerning his intentions with you! Hi Jane Been browsing through your site for few days and thought I'd drop you a line I've been seeing a guy who is 14 years younger than me with a 7 year old child from a previous brief relationship. I have a 15 year old son When I first meet him I was very concerned about the age difference and all the fact that he lives and works approximately an hour and a half from me The problem is that I just don't get it see him enough He works long hours sports coach and cares for he's daughter every Monday eve and all day Saturday. I've only asked for once a week for now and I've offered to go to him, which he refused as he house shares and said we would have no privacy We text everyday, serval times a day but he won't call even though I have asked him to It's now been nearly 4 weeks since I've seen him and I'm finding it all very upsetting I've asked him straight out if he wants me or wound he rather continue on a few occasions but he insists that he does want me but is concerned about the 'seeing' time he can give. I find it all confusing as he still finds time to see he's mates at a weekend Any advise would be appericated as I've rather fallen for him and I'm at my wits end as what to do Thankyou Dee's x He's not into it. If he wanted to see you he would. Reading your post, I don't see what you get out of this man and this situation. Nothing but confusion and texts. What do you really have? Why are you hanging on to this in the first place? The answer to those questions is personal and is just for you. It seems to me you're forgetting yourself and what you want and you're projecting a fantasy onto this mortal who is clearly not interested. I know how sucky this is, but I've been there and I can tell you, you and you're life are too precious to be given away to someone who doesn't give you anything at all. Focus on you, your happiness, your hobbies and people who actually love you and are there for you. Get clear on what you are and what you desire and start acting like the prize you are. Being in the dating pool, I have to agree with almost all of these. Although, I did meet a guy who texted, called and invited me to go out with him and his close friends, married friends who i got along well with, even hang out with his kids. Everything was going well until I caught the flu, he came by to see me once to bring food. Then nothing for days and then he came over to tell me, while I was still sick, that he met someone else and wanted a relationship with her. A couple of weeks after that, he's telling me he's no longer seeing her we are neighbors, by the way and trying to get back together with me and because he loves people, he can't see himself settling down to only one. The next day I found out he wants to take her on a cruise. Even though the warning signs are useful, I'm also learning that some guys use them to their advantage which hurts the guys that really are into you and genuinely are good guys. Hi there, I'm pretty much in need of some help and guidance, and any comment is going to be very well received. I've met this guy on an online date site on January of this year. We've talked over email and then over whatsapp for months. After we've finally met over coffee four months ago, we have been in touch every single day. Whatsapp in the morning, in the middle of the day and at the evening. Every saturday we went out to the cinema. On sundays we've talked over the phone for an hour or so. At the evenings he usually called me and we talked for an hour. He divorced a year ago it was +20 years of marriage , and told me that he has been feeling lonely, and that laughing with me was very good for him, and that he felt very at ease with me. There was some sort of sexual tension between us, the way he looked at me from bottom to top, and some double meaning phrases that usually made us laugh. We talked about everything. He then goes to have a long planned vacation with a divorced male friend of him. He planned it before we started to date. It was a 2 weeks vacation. He started to sparingly sent me audio messages over whatsapp, they were nice messages. He kept asking me how was I doing, but didn't listen to the replies that I sent him. One day that I was feeling really low, I sent him an audio telling him that he didn't even listened to my messages, that he didn't even know nor care about how I was doing, so we should stop sending messages and wait till he returned. The tone was very serious and plainly rude. He has being very friendly up until then. He stopped any message after that. He was clearly offended it was a rude message I must admit. I tried to apologise after realising my rudeness using text, but he didn't respond. After a lot of thought I ralised that I was just missing him a lot more than I thought possible and that I was being quite jelous because I imagined him with other women. After he came back, I call him and tried to talk to him. He told me that he was hurt and angry for that message, and that he needed time. One week passed and I call him again, saying that please, we should meet in person, because I wanted to apologise. He say no, he wasn't ready. So I call him once more and told him that I've missed him, that I was jealous and that I realised that my message wasn't one of a friendly friend, but that it sounded different, and that it was because I started to have some feelings for him, and that I didn't know how to deal with those feelings, and that I was very sorry for my rudeness. That he didn't deserve that message, that it was me that was so confused because of my feelings, and that I just realised them. I told him that I wasn't used to be in contact with my feelings, and that I didn't know how to act or do, and that he was very nice, that the fault was all from my part. I really think that way, after all, we were just friends. He told me that he needed to think about everything, that I couldn't expect for him to call me or send me messages that it was before, and that we should wait and stop any contact, because he was still in a bad situation because of his marriage breakup. And that he still felt bad about the whole thing, and that he didn't felt like talking or meeting me in person right then. A week has passed since then. He didn't call me but since he came back from his trip he has been every single day at least twice on the dating site looking for women. I know because he inadvertedly contacted a friend of mine. And she checks on him and tells me that he keeps being online. So, I think he just shut me down for good, and he won't think of me again, or call me again. We've talked for four months, and I can't belive that he didn't accept my apology, nor wanted to meet me in order to clear this thing out. I'm not sure how to feel about the whole thing right now, because I still miss our talks, and I miss his friendship. Doesn't he miss me a bit? Not in the least? I'm thrown away just like that? I really appreciate any comment on this. Lidia I need some advice... I have a close guy friend whom I have know for 12 years. About 5 years ago we became more than friends, non-physical, and now I feel I may have been played for a fool. Over the last five years, he has displayed feelings that he might like me. He always lights up when I am around, he always stares at me until I smile back at him and then he continues to stare at me longer, he always makes sure he is no more than a 4 inches away from me when we are out in a group and he is always making sure I am safe. About a year ago he said something rude to me at my birthday party, I confronted him about it and he denied saying it. I brushed it off. Then about 2 weeks ago we had made plans to go to midnight mass like we do every year and he didn't show up or call. I asked him about it and he acted like it was no big deal. Finally a couple days ago I invited him to my birthday dinner along with another mutual friend. He messaged me saying he would be there and then messaged our mutual friend and said he wasn't going to go. Why is this happening? In between all these behaviors, he keeps up with being super friendly with me. Hi, I need some advice on my relationship. Ive been dating my boyfriend and promised fiance for 10 months, soon to be 11. He finally is starting to do that. While I refuse to be the type of girl that wont let him have female friends, I am concerned. I didnt know he had so many, and that most of them were exes from the time he was a player. We live 3 hours away, due to my family moving away from my home. I want to go back to the way our relationship was, or, knowing whats truly happening, end it. What should I do? Ive also had warning sign 14, but not because of his words to me. Thanks for anyone's advice Upset? You're already upset because you know deep down he's not being upcoming with information because he is holding out on information. End it, fair and square.... If there are 3 or 4 women chasing him its because he's putting out the signals that he is available. It hurts like hell, but its going to hurt even worse if you marry him and have a small baby to look after, crying and needing you both and he is 'away' having an affair, knowing that you not only put up with it while you were single, but you are now trapped with a baby and you'll put up with it whether you like it or not. He is a rotten sod who doesn't deserve you..... I've just found myself in an odd situation. I've been on four dates with a guy, and have felt increasingly attracted to him the more time we've spent together. He is very respectful and good at keeping to commitments and keen to arrange dates properly. None of the above points from Jane's article seemed to apply and 8 and 9 for example aren't relevant as we've not known each other that long. I was starting to get confused, particularly after our most recent date yesterday as there had been no kissing or any physical contact whatsoever. He texted me yesterday after the date he must have picked up that I like him and said he's not looking for a relationship and is 'pretty close to asexual'. It makes sense of his behaviour, but I feel sad to hear this - about it not working out with him but also to realise that I have yet again attracted an unavailable man, even though I was in a really good place in myself when I met him and while we've been dating. It is also odd because my experiences over the past few years have mostly been of guys who only wanted sex or something very casual. There have been two others who seemed disinterested in the physical side of things. The physical side of a relationship is very important to me and now I fear that I won't find someone who wants a relationship AND wants sex. I know that might sound odd. It's disheartening to know I've done so much work on myself and then something like this has happened yet again. You attract people of all sorts. This means absolutely nothing other than he isn't what you're looking for. Keep living your life for you, keep going. Don't force it, don't put a deadline on it, just keep on keeping on. Don't expect instant success. Just go into every experience with everything you've learned and learn some more. It takes practice, but it keeps you from quitting every time you find out the guy is not your guy. I can only imagine how that must flood you with anxiety. What you might find useful is facing your fear: imagine you don't meet anyone before your childbearing years are gone. Feel the feelings, listen to them, cry it out for as long as you need to until you see what's at the core. It's super scary and hard, but it's liberating. It doesn't make it real, it just helps you see more clearly what it is you're afraid of. Remember it's about finding the right partner and having a family that is healthy and functional. It's not about just getting married and having children. I have been dating my boyfriend for like six months now, I love him but I can't tell if he loves me or not. I stopped calling him and since then he hasn't called and it's almost two months since last we spoke. Hi Jane I need help, i am going crazy trying to analyze my long distance boyfriend's recent behaviour. We met online in December. We are both divorced and in our 40's. We chatted online for 2 months before meeting. He is a West African man, living in Europe since college. I have been single for 7 years since divorce and he has had a number of failed relationships since his divorce. One of which was long distance. He is a very busy businessman but travels a lot internationally and is never home longer than 2 weeks usually. When i told him am not keen on an LDR, he said he is in Africa for business every 6 to 8 weeks so it would be managable. We fell head over heels inlove online and that was solidified when we met. We both are young spirits, seemed to want the same things, had fun and seemed to have so much in common, shared same values, both don't want anymore kids. In March he bought me a flight tickets to join him in on his business trip in Kenya. In May he invited me to join him in and his home country for a week, where he introduced me to his childhood friends, colleagues and his whole family and relatives. We stayed at his brother's house. He also introduced me to the ones that live in other countries via face time and WhatsApp. We have also had long voice and video chats while his kids were in the background and he told me i will meet them too. We discussed me visiting Europe in December cause i needed to spend minimum 2 weeks there to make it worth my while. I have been so happy and really saw myself growing old with this man but now it seems like the honeymoon is over as he seems less and less available including on weekends. From time to time he goes 2 days without calling me, sometimes a week and just texting hi, how are you? Having a busy day. I seem to be initiating chats more often. One weekend i texted him after waiting for 2 days, he didn't respond the whole day, which was the the first and a shock. The next day he texted saying he wasn't feeling well, suffered from migranes, which have not attacked him in 5 years. They were so bad he was in tears. I have since learned he withdraws from people when he is stresses and he is very moody and has a short temper, becomes aggressive during a dissagreement. Then he stops talking for days after that even after the issue has been discussed. He sulks until i cave in. Then say he is sorry he just didn't want to engage in a fight. He says he knows its wrong but thats how he is. To cut the long story short 3 weeks ago, i confronted him on a number of issues that have been bothering me including his unavailability, calling briefly then saying let's chat later cause he's in meetings or working on a project, driving or travelling etc. There seems to something more important than me. Then he would say he is sorry, he got busy,forgot or was too tired or stressed but really don't like justifying himyself to anyone. He has caused me tremendous pain since i politely expressed my concerns, he screamed at me, gave me silent treatment for days, which was torturous. I cave in time and time again initiating contact then he apologised again saying he will try his best going forward. I haven't spoken to him in 3 days since then and i am confused why he hasn't called me to show that he is making an effort as promised. I don't believe going longer than a day or 2 in a long distance relationship is healthy, especially after having 3 weeks of tension. Lastly i haven't seen him since May, he had said we'll see each other end of July. Now he tells me his schedule has been messed up buy 2 urgent business trips he had to do in Turkey. Then second week of August its school holidays and its his turn to be with his kids for a month. I ask again: is this what you honestly want for yourself? A few charming personality traits are nothing given all of these issues. The answer to the question is just for yourself. Not for me, not for any of us. Please look within yourself, figure out who you are and why you are clinging to this situation. You are to be loved and cared for. Healthy relationships begin with you and clarity about what you want and what you don't want. When a man shows you who he is, believe him. From where I stand, of course because I'm not in it, this situation doesn't sound good. I wish you clarity and strength to do what is right for you. Hi Jane, he doesnt do any of these warning signs, been together a year and a half, I've met his family, friends. Except he breaks up and then we makeup all the time. Only this year has been longer breaks 1 month and I contact him, so hurtful, he was all in at the start said he loved me, thought I was the one. He has a head injury so I end up looking after him a lot and that role he seems to resent, has just got more and more hurtful how he turns on me, a different man and he says because I go on at him about little things over and over. He has been unwell and so stressed not coping, my friends say he will always be like this because of his health, we are so close, but there's been work issues and problems and he wanted out again. Finding it so hard to let go I don't mind being there for him but one way he can help is to at least be there committed, he doesnt seem to be able to do it and isn't there for me and I'm here just crying. We have a family occasion coming up made the plans and bookings but now were split up I need to talk to him he only shuts down and won't communicate. My Boyfriend of two years and I live together. He works 6pm to 6am. Get home by 7:30 ish each morning. Usually I'm waiting for him to get home and sometimes he gets breakfast with friends or goes to do whatever. He says that it's controlling of me for me to just ask that he sends me a text or call to let me know he went out. If I'm home waiting for him. Not if I'm at work or in a whole other country, just if I'm waiting for him. Not who's he with, not what time he'll be home, not anything but a simple common courtesy call so that I don't wake up at 10 am and he's not there no call or text and think something happened to him. He says I can call him, I don't think I should have to. Am I wrong for this, is this controlling behavior. Do I need to look at my self and ask why I expect this??? It's not a matter of right or wrong; it's about mutual trust and respect and that includes hearing you and being open to your requests. You're not asking for too much. But judging from his response, you may be asking it of the wrong person.
